


Grief and Love

by CoralHeart



Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One), Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Timelines, Character Death, M/M, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-07
Updated: 2018-12-07
Packaged: 2019-09-13 21:04:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16899813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoralHeart/pseuds/CoralHeart
Summary: Rewind was dead. Nothing much is left for Chromedome, and he believes Cyclonus is the only other who could understand.





	Grief and Love

**Author's Note:**

> Oooo it's sadfic I'm sorry. I've wanted this specific interaction forever and I finally put my lil gremlin hands to work.

Chromedome sat still, sat quietly. Rewind’s voice replayed over and over in his head, but so did Brainstorm’s. His friends’ words kept his needles out of his neck, but their power was fading. As the days, hours, minutes, seconds went by he felt himself wanting to relieve himself of the grief more and more.

But he promised. He promised them both.

H needed to talk to someone who could understand. There weren’t many he was close to on board the ship, even fewer who would understand the pain. The only other who fell into both categories was… was…Oh no.

Chromedome wasn’t sure if he could push through the pain enough to try and talk to Cyclonus.

If he was distant and gruff before Tailgate died of cybercrosis, he was a hundred times worse after. He holed himself up in his room he destroyed, he slashed up several hallways when forced out of his habsuite. More than one crew member was sent to the medbay. Even Ultra Magnus struggled to stuff him into a jail cell, after which he tore through and escaped back to his suite. No more attempts to get to Cyclonus were made after that. 

He was only seen when there was a battle to throw himself into. Many of the crew think he’s back to his old self but Chromedome hated the sight; He could see the suicide attempt no matter how cleverly hidden it was.

Then again, if Cyclonus killed him, everybody would win.

He looked at his hands. He couldn’t stop shaking. Chromedome had done nothing but twitch and shiver for days trying to resist all his habits.

With effort, Chromedome stood up. It was time to find Cyclonus. When he got to his room, the door was ajar. He knocked, quickly followed by a “It’s Chromedome.” In the silence after he could hear the quick footsteps stop, before sharp hands forced half of the door away from the center.

“What do you want?” he said, voice rough as ever but cracking. He clearly hadn’t spoken in days.

“I just want to talk.” Chromedome said. Somehow, Cyclonus managed to scowl harder. “It’s… it’s more for me than you if that helps my case.” It took a moment, but Cyclonus stepped aside, and Chromedome took his small, cautious side-steps in. Cyclonus should the door shut again with his shoulder.

Now that he could really see him, Cyclonus looked… awful. Covered in dents, scratches, holes. He looked ready to fall to pieces on the outside, and Chromedome wouldn’t have been surprised if he’d fallen apart on the inside as well.

Just like him.

They sat across from one another. Chromedome, ankles crossed, hands fidgeting. Cyclonus, slumped into his seat, all limbs dangling, staring blankly.

“Answer my question.” Cyclonus eventually croaked.

Chromedome clasped his hands tighter together. “I’m… Can you keep a secret?”

“I don’t care.”

Chromedome froze up from the cold answer but continued on. “I’m… getting tempted to erase my memories. Not all of them. Just some.” he admitted. He hung his head, the guilt weighing heavy on him. “I promised Rewind I’d stop injecting… I promised Brainstorm I wouldn’t do it, but…”

“Do you want me to tell you to not go through with it?” Cyclonus grumbled. 

“No. Maybe.” Chromedome rubbed at the back of his head. “I don’t know. I just wanted to tell someone. Anyone. Someone understanding. I just can’t live with the pain and the guilt of even considering it is pushing me to my breaking point...”

Cyclonus threw himself forward, his hooked nose, far more crooked now, nearly touching Chromedome’s faceplate. “Do you think anyone wants to live with pain?” he asked, clearly not wanting an answer. He slowly pulled away, noticing Chromedome shaking again.

“You don’t have to.” Chromedome said, voice trembling. He held one palm out, his needles shot out and glinted in the starlight coming through the window. 

Cyclonus sneered at his hand. “If you’re making an offer,” he snarled. “I don’t want any part of it. I will live with my pain, Chromedome, because it is all I have left. When it takes me, it will take me.” He leaned back in his chair, head tilted back, optics shut. “There will never be another day without pain for me, and I... no, no I am not content with it, but I have accepted it.”

“I just need a distraction.” Chromedome said.

“I’m tired.” Cyclonus huffed. “Go find someone else, I don’t have the energy.”

“I need a distraction from myself.” Chromedome repeated himself, leaning forward and putting one hand on Cyclonus’, needles retracted. The purple jet pulled his head forward and looked Chromedome dead-on. “I’m wiping my memories later… I hate that I’m going to, but if there’s anything you want to say, if you want to talk to someone who’ll just erase the entire conversation anyways, now’s your chance.”

“...Why?” Cyclonus asked, pulling his hand away.

“Because I know you’re hurting.” Chromedome said, not moving away. “You’re hurting the way I am.”

“We weren’t…”

“You could have been.” Chromedome knew exactly what he was saying. “If you want to live with that pain, that’s fine. I don’t, I can’t, but I’m shaking,” he held out his hands, and Cyclonus watched them shake. “I can’t help myself like this. I want your help… and I don’t care if you get something in return for it or not.”

Cyclonus dragged his claws up the arms of his chair. He glared at Chromedome. 

“Okay. Let’s talk.”

* * *

Chromedome’s head felt heavy. He leaned forward, the mental weight on him turned physical. He felt sick. Cyclonus was also leaning forward, elbows on his knees and their heads nearly touched.

“Pain is temporary.” Cyclonus said. Chromedome looked up just a little, visor a little brighter only to see Cyclonus stared at the floor. “That is what I had always been told. It kept me strong for so long. Pain is hard and will fill you with grief and regret, but it is all temporary.”

Chromedome’s visor dimmed again, his head dipped. He wasn’t liking where this conversation could go. He began to think one of them should have gone to Rung.

“After the wars,” Cyclonus whispered again. “I’ve been told love, true love… is forever. I never understood it, until recently.” He sighed a drawn-out, quiet sigh. A clawed hand trailed feather-light over the gouges carved into his face. “I believe in it now.”

Chromedome was still shaking, and when Cyclonus’ optics moved he knew he was watching him. “Few did before the war… even fewer, now.” Chromedome’s head hung lower, he pulled his hands up to cover his face. “I love him so much.”

“You truly did.” Cyclonus replied. “It was obvious to everyone.” He curled a sharp finger under Chromedome’s chin and lifted his head up. Both hands pushed on his shoulders, helping him to sit up straight. "It was... inspiring."

Cyclonus broke the eye-contact, one one hand placed itself very gently on Chromedome’s chest, making the mech flinch. 

“And it is forever.”

It took over a minute for the words to truly sink into Chromedome’s head. Another minute caused them to sink into his spark. He leaned back and his shoulders sagged. He twitched like he was going to explode before his body suddenly went limp.

“This isn’t what I expected to happen.”

“Not at all, but I think it’s what you need.” Cyclonus said. “I am sorry if that does not help you.” 

It became quiet. Cyclonus slowly leaned back looking anywhere but Chromedome’s way. His bed, torn to shreds. Holes in the wall, trailing up to his sword, the one thing to remain undamaged. When he looked out the window, the vision of space was marred by all the scratches in the glass.

If it weren’t for his color, Chromedome would look dead. Despite looking more weak, Cyclonus noticed he had stopped trembling. “You listened to me ramble, you didn’t yell at me for my decision, I can’t ask for more than that.” He put his hands to the arm rests of the chair, and with all his effort, pried himself from his seat. “Thank you. I mean it.” He held his hands out for Cyclonus, knowing the purple jet had been eyeing his shakes the entire evening. They were now still.

Cyclonus stared at Chromedome’s hands for a moment before he stood up as well.

“I’m not going to remember anything after the wipe…” Chromedome said, trailing off as he watched Cyclonus take a few steps further away. "but I'm glad I stopped by."

The jet stopped before his sword. He stared at the metal glinting in the low light. It was still stained heavily with Tailgate’s energon.

“I hope you can find something to ease your own pain, Cyclonus.” Chromedome said, standing by the door. “I really do.”

“Thank you.” Cyclonus replied softly, the glow of his optics reflecting off the metal blade. “You’re a good person, Chromedome. I feel just as calmed by this conversation as yourself.”  He reached for the sword. He held the heavy hilt in one hand, the other tenderly supported the still-sticky blade, energon starting to corrode the metal and eat away its sharpness.

Chromedome continued to talk. “I feel bad I won’t remember any of this…”

Cyclonus slid his hand down the blade, gripped the hilt tight with both fists and tilted the tip towards his chest. He slammed down until the guard touched his plating, feeling Chromedome’s body against his back. He could hear the wet gasps, and hands trying to grab onto his shoulders. He forced his body to fall back, and felt the sword pierce the wall.

A croak echoed in the otherwise-silent room. “Why?”

“Rewind was a good person, I cannot let you erase him.” Cyclonus said, gagging on the energon flooding into his mouth. “I would never let anyone take my memories of Tailgate from me, no matter how painful they now are.” 

“It was… my choice…” Chromedome said before coughing. “I said I couldn’t live like… this…”

“You won’t.” Cyclonus gurgled. “Not for much longer.”

Cyclonus could feel something wet trickle down his back, and the heaviness of Chromedome’s head against his shoulder. “How… how could you? You’ve… forced both of us to die… in grief.”

“No,” Cyclonus muttered, feeling energon trickle out of his mouth. He could see the glow around the blade where he had stabbed himself fading out, and he could feel more and more of Chromedome’s weight against him. “No, what I have done, Chromedome, is allowed us both to die in love.”


End file.
